Diagnosis

I walked in about 30 minutes ago from seeing my therapist, I washed my hand, sat a the kitchen table and ate a bacon double cheeseburger,that I picked up on my way back. (something I rarely eat) (Skullcandy Headset>>>>>> exactly like mine...Check it out)

Still I sat and ate it with my headset still blasting "scarface", trying to not think about how other people "might" feel, but how I need to feel , because this is my treatment and my life.

I feel like I have been pushed aside for a while and now I feel like just walking away from treatment all together.

I have people working with me, who want to see me succeed, but I cannot take another Group Session or another Budgeting Session.

Today I blurted out... "Why are people so surprised when I say I don't have a criminal record" "maybe because I'm black I am supposed to be a felon?"

I think my counselor almost fell out the chair (sigh).

I told her I don't connect with anyone and feel like I need to ignore all the,"professional" advice I am given and just do it all on my own.

She is expecting me to be in a group soon and also other people are expecting to see my like my nurse, job coach, case worker, etc...

F*** it all for now!

I feel like I am wasting away... I don't want to be like these older people I see there who look so lonely and treated like an "untouchable" in public.

I try to fill my brain with allot during the day, to keep me occupied.

Learning new things, like how to make websites, learning about Business and Small Business, also about building computers.

God keeps waking me up to keep going no matter how much I feel like stopping.
I don't want to stop while I have the energy, only when my body cannot go anymore.

I have to stop the Treatment, or sit and seriously talk to someone about tearing up my "treatment plan" to make a new one lol... Back to the drawing board.... Hell it's my life!

Written by Phoebe.. at Friday, August 22, 2008 |    
Labels: Goals, Therapy